We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
