just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
