they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
