So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Randomize
