Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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