It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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