You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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