If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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