He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
