When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
