NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
