a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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