I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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