Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
