found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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