The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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