she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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