And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
