i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just gift wrapped bread.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
