I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
