New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
