The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
