She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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