guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
