i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
