She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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