I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
