I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
