Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
