haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
