If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just googled if crying burns calories
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
