I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
