Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
