my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i need some magic done to my vagina
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
