i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
i now understand why vodka
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
