I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
