Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
