2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
