what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
