I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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