I've blown a few things in my day
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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