Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
