the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
