She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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