i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
