I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
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He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
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I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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