I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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