you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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