The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
