Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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