theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
