there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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