theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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