I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
