I can tuck mytits in my pants
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
