I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize