We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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