Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
