yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
