You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
