So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
