we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
