I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
