Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
