well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
His hands were made for my vagina.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
