So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
