We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
