ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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